Day 55 - I can see a glimmer of hope

April 23, 2024

I’m journaling much later in the day than I usually do. I’ve been in my turmoil for the last few days. Spinning and spinning…and spinning some more about this whole job hunt thing.

As you could imagine, it’s been exhausting. The only way to describe it is that I have whiplash from making such a tight right turn. From declaring that I’ll be fully focused on Teddi Kathleen, to oh shit, my husband may lose his job, and I need to start looking for work.

I’ve applied to anywhere between 30 and 50 companies. I lost count… and I’ve gotten a few No’s and the rest…Radio Silent. 

It’s been stressful. It’s been disharenting. Discouraging. 

I’ve felt shame. Guilt. Fear. 

Even now, I don’t really want to go back and re-feel those feelings because I’m finally starting to move past them. 

Mostly because of my conversation with my husband the other day where I was able to air some of my grievances. 

Then, I got a phone call from a friend of a friend. Dan. I had not met Dan before, but Dan is in the process of writing several children’s books as well. He’s further in some aspects than I am, and then I am further than him in others. 

I really felt like this was a life line or raft being sent out to me. I really felt like I was drowning. And it was nice to get help from someone who “has been there, Done that” in other aspects of his career. He’s made successful businesses, and made some amazing connections. Working and walking alongside some of this country’s greatest celebrities and leaders. 

What I gather is that his essence is that, If they can do it, I can too. So he decided to chase his dream of creating kids books to support the next generation of kids. 

His message to me, “keep going, make progress each day, you never know what door will open or where it will lead” 

He then proceeded to send me the most amazing follow up email of everything we talked about. His introduction concluded with:

 “Keep creating, but spend more time marketing for the next month.” AND

 “All hands on deck, sell, sell, sell, full court press the next month!” 

So my plan from here?

Reach out to all my Facebook friends. I downloaded a list of around 1000 contacts that I can reach out to. Really my intention is to send them a message to say hello and to ask them to send them a free copy of my book. 

I’m ok if they don’t buy right away, because I’m just opening a door. A handshake. A connection. 

I know i’ve been saying that I’d reach out for the past few weeks. I think I recall on April 1st or right before that I was going to consistently reach out for 30 days…and here we are 23 days later and I have yet to make an outreach. 

I just went back to look at a few of my posts over the past month, A lot of them were about clarity and working to really understand my brand. 

I was trying to fit a round peg into a square hole at one point where I Was also trying to sell sarah’s program as well. While a great program, It was causing me to divide my attention. From there I was getting super focused on TK, then next thing I knew, Josh got some bad news at his work, and I had to shift my focus to looking for a job. 

It has been a horrible month of circumstances, and right before that was my kids spring break, which I was not able to really work while they were home. 

I’ve had aspirations of getting in better shape while not working full time, keeping a clean home, having laundry done, building a successful brand. All of which haven’t really happened the way I expected them to.

The idea of that was so much more fun than the reality of it all. When I am dreaming of a new future, I don’t always account for the human emotions that are present in the present when going to achieve those things. 

Usually all thanks to the pesky worry bug/inner critic who always has something to say. 

Needless to say, the worry bug has had me in it’s clutches, a tight grasp for weeks now. 

However, despite it I still have made a ton of progress this month.

I re-published my book with my updated character, I republished a new version of the Tooth fairy and the big winter storm book, launched a YouTube channel and created 4 videos for youtube. 

I ran 5.1 miles twice and I didnt think that I could run like that again. I taught the girls how to sew. I’m on day 55 of journaling for a year. 

So I’ve done a lot of refining and creating. And I’m going to follow my new friend’s advice, Keep creating but to spend more time on marketing. I think I’ll deprioritize pinterest for a little bit, unless I can make a bunch of pins quickly. I really don’t want to spend more than one or two hours on it a month. 

On the creative side I want to keep writing books, and making YouTube videos. 

But really my focus and practice gets to be on marketing my brand. 

I feel like a broken record here, but I keep declaring, falling short, and learning from it. 

I will keep pressing on. I will keep trying.

I’ve got my list and I’m already starting to craft messages to my friends. From there I will create Facebook posts that I can share as well. 

Wish me luck!

Krystal Lavender