March 29th, 2024
I have too many ideas.
I don’t want to commit to just one.
I’m not sleeping well.
I’m waking up at 3 in the morning.
Taking naps in the afternoon.
I’m being hard on myself for not sticking to a direction.
That is how it feels.
You may be wondering what changed since yesterday.
Well I'm just in my head.
Over-thinking.
The inner critic is all over me.
I’m doing what I always do.
Freeze.
There is fear of just taking action.
Although logically I know that I just have to start somewhere.
It’s all the thoughts that were swirling in my head from yesterday.
I feel like I’m always going to be behind.
What if I do figure this out, but I’ll still just be behind the curve.
I’ll never get ahead.
I just need to pay someone to teach me this stuff.
I’m wasting my time trying to figure this out on my own.
I can’t choose a direction and I’m being pulled in three different directions.
Cooking
Selling training
Teddi kathleen books
It’s actually driving me crazy!
I have to pick a direction.
And just go with it!
I’m spinning over here.
Can I just pick something to do and do it for 90 days. I’ve created a schedule already.
So why can’t I just stick with it?
Despite how I’m feeling.
Despite what my inner critic says.
Its been 30 days and I feel like i’ve got almost nothing to show for my work.
What work have I actually been doing? I’m not accomplishing anything that I thought i’d be accomplishing after quitting my job.
Its been over a month now.
I’ve gained a little weight.
Laundry is not done.
The house is a mess.
I get it. I’m just being hard on myself.
I’m just airing out stuff that is more depressing than uplifting.
I’ll keep journaling for the next few days.
But I’m going to not focus on my brand or direction for a few days…
But what will happen is April 1, I will commit to taking action towards something.
I will pick a direction.
Just go in it.
I will commit to putting myself out there for 90 days.
I will have a clean slate to work from.
April 1. We are hitting it. I trust that by then I will choose the right direction for me.
And I just want to be..
Be Confident. Be Clear. Be Sure. Be a Light.
Be clear about my vision.
To wake up every day in that clarity.
Ready to take action.
This doesn’t have to be this hard.
I just have too much in my head.
I’m overcomplicating it.
It doesn’t have to be this complicated.
This is another trick of my ego.
Do it all. Which puts me on the hamster wheel.
That’s it for today.
Much Love,
Krystal Lavender
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