Day 29 - I keep reminding myself that this is a new career that I have to learn

March 28th, 2024

This is my new career

This is my new career

This is my new career…

I have to keep reminding myself of this.

I am learning new skills.

I’ve never really done this before.

My inner critic….

You’re already so far behind, why not just go back to a career that you know how to do. You can sit and talk about Salesforce, Personal Training, Leadership and management for hours on end so you should just go and do those things. It makes no sense to go and start a new career. The book and internet space is already so crowded. You’ll work forever trying to stand out and then you’ll end up needing to go back to your old job anyway. 

This thought has been in there for days now and it’s been pretty crippling. I’ve been taking naps daily, sleeping in passed 8 most mornings this week. 

So ya, it’s been really hard for me from a mental perspective. 

The idea of being seen is really scary for me. 

What If I mess up, what If I don’t actually have anything good to offer, what if I am offering the wrong things.

Yesterday I spent hours on my outreach strategy. It was exhausting. Getting my brain to think a certain way was really hard. Then of course, the thoughts of You should be good at this, this shouldn't be so hard, why even try.

I’m telling you it's exhausting. And these thoughts are just trying to keep me from sharing my gifts with the world. Could I continue to share my gifts with the world in those other areas? Yea, I could, but those aren't necessarily outside of my comfort zone. So this, promoting books that I wrote, is really scary. 

While I’m still refining it, I have a brand direction, a vision, mission and purpose. I’ve been consistent about posting my journals daily and now it’s time to get it out there. I know i’ve been saying that for a few days now, and as you can see all the inner critic has been right there. With new things to say. Doing what it can to keep me safe. 

I know that my inner critic is saying, what if I’m offering the wrong things. Well, I might be. And the whole point is about me learning how to put myself out there. To be vulnerable. To be seen. 

So what I'm realizing, it's less about what I'm doing and what I'm putting out there, its about the lesson of being seen. 

Again, much, I started to write these journals every day, the intention is to commit to doing something daily. To teach myself discipline. And so far 29 days in i’ve journaled 26 or so out of 29. That’s pretty good. The only days i’ve missed is like a saturday or a sunday here or there because the weekends are at times a bit un predictable. 

So i’ll continue doing this, and I’ve got to practice putting myself out there. I’m not sure what that looks like right now, but that is the skill. 

Inner critic is like --- what about what you’re going to say, what about your video quality, your post quality, you can’t just post stuff out there, You’re just going to make a fool of yourself and mess up your reputation before you even start.  Just leave this to people who do this naturally. You’re not meant or cut out to be someone who should be seen. 

Anyone else’s inner critic this relentless? Pulling out all the stops. 

I’m not sure exactly what this will look like, but the essence behind it is.

I’m practicing a new skill

I’m practicing putting myself out there.

As I practice this, I will get much better at it over time. 

This is s stepping stone to get to my bigger goals

I’m getting to the root of what it is that I get to work on. The fear of being seen is a real one for me. 

What is also coming up for me is the underlying mindset i’ve had about posting and putting myself out there:

Post - just to post - hoping one of my videos goes viral. If none of my videos go viral, then I'll just give up. There is a backdoor to give up. I’ve been thinking this whole time that this will never work anyway. But if I just go through the motions, then maybe something happens and maybe I’ll get lucky. If me going through the motions doesn’t get me success, then it wasn't meant to be in the first place. 

I am practicing this skill. Each video or post I create, I have the intention of connecting with someone who really needs to hear my message. I have an important message to share. My view on the world is unique. I can make an impact. By being calm, spunky, fun, creative, ambitious, I encourage others to be the same. 

So today, I’m taking time away from the business stuff. I wanted to journal because this is my commitment, but I’m headed to hang out with my kids and to be fully present with them.

And to spend time out with kids in the community. If I want to impact our world from the smallest generation, then I get to spend time with them.

Much love,

Krystal Lavender